What is the Importance of Sensitivity?
by Marlon Young
Sensitivity. What does it mean? Why is it important, especially in the current fast-changing society that we live in today? To get a handle on what it means today, let’s start with a definition of the word that I think is the most appropriate: a person's feelings which might be easily offended or hurt.
No one likes to have their feelings hurt. I don’t think most people go out of their way to purposefully hurt someone else’s feelings. The exception, of course, is in response to when our own feelings are hurt, like, in a heated argument. Then you might be inclined to want to hurt the other person’s feelings. Not that it’s the right thing to do but in the moment, it may make you feel better. At our core, though, we really want to treat others the way we would like to be treated ourselves: with kindness, dignity, and respect. The way that comes about is that we think of how being treated badly would make us feel and we try not to visit that negativity onto another person. We use our sensitivity. We imagine how someone might feel based on our own experiences of negative feelings and we sympathize we them. We “put ourselves in their shoes”, so to speak.
Why is being sensitive to others important, though? Why is it your job to ensure that people around you don’t feel offended by the words that you use? Isn’t how a person feels their own responsibility and if they’re offended by something that they hear they could simply remove themselves from the situation so that they don’t have to hear it? That does make some sense. Why does the rest of the world have to be concerned about your feelings and be made to conform to appease you? No one else was offended. Why are you special? That’s a decent point. Another point could be “Why not try to help everyone feel comfortable?” After all, we’re all sharing spaces most of the time so why not do our individual part to make it as pleasant of an experience as possible? Simply put, be sensitive to others as we would like them to be sensitive to you.
So far, being sensitive sounds like a “no brainer”. Be kind. Try not to offend. If you do, correct yourself, learn from it, try not to do it again. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. What happens, though, when it starts to feel like people are being “overly” sensitive? When it begins to feel like almost anything you say to a person or group of people can be deemed insensitive or offensive, even.
Case in point, a few famous comedians have recently come under scrutiny for some of their jokes. Fans often find jokes funny that may offend people of a certain group. Some members of that group may even find those jokes funny. Some may not. This begs the question: Is it necessary to consider sensitivity when in the context of entertaining? After all, most of the material used to entertain audiences is non-factual. It’s made up and heightened to illicit a response. Sometimes for laughter. Sometimes for tears. Some feel that this type of judgement on the entertainer falls under the label of “overly” sensitive. Maybe it is. Or maybe it is a generational ideology of what is ok to be offended by for the sake of fun as opposed to what is truly offensive.
I can definitely speak to how the subject of sensitivity was handled 30 plus years ago and before. There was a collective social attitude of “thicker skin”. Words were just words. If you didn’t like what someone had said or was saying, you shrugged it off and walked away. Or, if you were in the workplace, you gave that person a stern warning to “knock it off” and the issue was generally solved. Now, that was a time when veiled threats to a person’s well-being were pretty acceptable. And also a time when “sticks and stones” was a true mantra that people lived by. “I will not allow your words to hurt me” was how most people handled insensitive or offensive language from another. However, as time goes on and we grow intellectually as humans, societal norms change. What we accept as ok and not ok changes. And, as we grow in population and more people are sharing the spaces of other people, it has become more important to make those spaces livable and comfortable for everyone. Thus, sensitivity to those around us has become an important issue.
It may seem, then, that we are all being made to be the sensitivity police. That we have to be hyper aware of offensive things being said or done around us so as to protect everyone from offensive behavior and not everyone wants to take on that responsibility. We all don’t necessarily want to be the gate keepers of sympathy in large part because we don’t always know what might offend someone. So, knowing that we want to be aware of someone else’s feelings and at the same time not feel that we’re taking on some extra responsibility, how do we at least attempt to start to make sensitivity a priority?
This may be a very simplistic answer but it is an answer, nonetheless. If you feel that someone has said something or done something that makes you feel at all badly or uncomfortable, say something. Let them know. The moment it happens. Here’s why that is effective and, as I see it, necessary: most people don’t know that they are being insensitive or offensive. They may not even think what they said was offensive. Maybe it was a joke they heard. Maybe it was a stereotypical characterization of an ethic group that they thought was a harmless observation. Either way, they simply may not have given it any thought at all. But it affected you in a negative way. And if it affected you in that way, it very well may affect someone else the same way and you don’t want the person who said the thing that offended you to continue offending other people. Especially if they just weren’t aware. So, let them know. Pull them aside and explain to them in a calm manner that what they said felt a bit insensitive and you wanted to let them know. Let them know that you’re not chastising them. You are only making them aware so that they won’t continue to say it and possibly hurt other people’s feelings.
Most of the time, if not all of the time, that is all it takes to address the topic of sensitivity when you find yourself in the company of it. Awareness. Making someone aware of something that they were not aware of before. As I’ve said earlier, most people want to treat others the way they want to be treated themselves. They are not actively trying to be offensive or insensitive. They just don’t know all of the areas and subjects and categories in which offenses can be found. And they shouldn’t have to. It is our responsibility to bring awareness to those who are unaware when it is necessary. We don’t all know everything but the majority of us are absolutely willing to learn. So, when we encounter an instance that feels insensitive or offensive, let us use that as a moment to educate. Make it a “teachable moment”. We will all be better versions of ourselves for it.
Marlon Young is an actor, writer and producer who is best known for his roles in War of the Worlds, The Hard Times of RJ Berger, Entourage, Survivor’s Remorse, and others.
