What do I do if I am being disrespected at work?

How to get respect in the workplace and what to do when you are dealing with a situation where you feel disrespected.

I want to be treated with respect. 

Respect- Aretha Franklin sang about it. It is bandied about in different contexts and situations. It is on picket signs, instagram posts and ads for Coke. 

In employment we want our employer to treat us with respect. But what does it mean? What does respect at work constitute?

Respect is not a legal term. There is no law that defines respect. In California, for example, there are hundreds of laws that define minimum labor conditions -- from wages to health and safety to harassment -- yet respect, as a noun, is not found in the labor code.

Respect is subjective. Each of us has our barometer of what respect means, what respect feels like. Depending on our mood, amount of sleep, background, or numerous other factors, we not only differ in what respect means, but we likely have different expectations of respect on different days.  

Most agree that we are most keenly aware of respect when it is absent. When a supervisor scolds us in front of guests or other co-workers, we feel shame, embarrassment and anger. We feel disrespected. It is visceral. It pokes a hole in our soul.  It is hard to forget, much less forgive. 

Kerry Patterson, in her book, Crucial Conversations, captures the absence of respect is missing stating, “Respect is like air. As long as it’s present, nobody thinks about it.  But you take it away, it’s all that people can think about.”   

What is difficult to define is the presence of respect at the workplace. An online search for how to treat workers with respect unveils dozens of ideas. Listen to your employees. Treat them as you would want to be treated. Maintain a work and life balance at the workplace. Follow the law. These lists, however, do not add up to a coherent definition of respect. 

Some academic studies show that workers who decide to organize a union do it to win “respect.” Abusive supervision, low wages, and unfair treatment are examples of a lack of respect. But what is more interesting about these studies is that workers are more likely to succeed in organizing a union when their goals are less about material improvements, such as wages or lower cost health insurance, and more focused on the concept of winning respect. This makes sense when you consider that employers will try to undermine union organizing with enormous, once in a lifetime raises or sudden drops in the cost of insurance. If workers are fixated on these material changes only, they may - and often do - lose interest in organizing a union.   

When workers win their union, they do not win immediate wage increases or improved working conditions. What they win is that the employer is required to listen and cannot retaliate against their speech. The employer must sit down as equals with the employees to discuss concerns. Even if the employer rejects each and every union proposal to improve the working conditions, the simple act that the employer is obligated to listen to its employees’ concerns is, in the employees’ view, respect.